“Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I’m afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.”
– Charles C. Finn
When we think of masks, we think of the piece of fabric we’ve all been wearing day in and day out in order to protect those around us. It’s a barrier- a protective barrier- between us and the world.
One could even say that it helps us hide, literally. How many times have you been stopped in public on a bad day for an uncomfortable conversation with someone you hardly know during times when you’d rather be curled up under the covers on your bed?
It happens, but with a mask, you can hide. You can walk past almost anybody and disappear.
While this can be an incredibly useful tool, it’s much less true when we use a metaphorical mask to conceal ourselves, our experiences, and our emotions.
Our masks take the shape of many different forms:
“It’s fine”, “I’m fine”, “I’m all good” when asked how you are doing.
Instagram pictures, where the bad has been cropped and shopped out, where filters aren’t only covering the pictures, but more often than not, covering our perceptions of reality.
Funny self-deprecating jokes, designed to get the most likes and laughs, but often coming from a place of truth.
These are all examples of the masks we wear, the masks we hide behind.
In his poem ‘Please Hear What I’m Not Saying’, Charles C. Finn shows how we hide, how we show the world a version of ourselves that has been edited and filtered while burying the pain we feel.
“Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me,
but don’t be fooled,
for God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command
and that I need no one,
but don’t believe me.”
Finn’s poem delves into the mind of someone keeping their surface smooth, keeping what they project out to the world smooth, clean, and calm, while at the same time hiding away the confusion, fear, and loneliness they feel. In fact, the narrator of the poem considers anyone knowing their pain, as a sign of weakness. They are afraid of rejection and judgement.
Avoiding talking about your feelings can be harmful to you and your health. Worries and the anxiety you feel, bottle up, forcing you to constantly be aware of their presence. Without opening up about your challenges, your support system cannot support you, the people in your life cannot help you, leading you to resort to unhealthy, or even dangerous, coping mechanisms, like an over-consumption of alcohol or suicidal thoughts.
If you restrain your feelings, you might find it a challenge to express yourself and your emotions in situations where it is required. This means you might often overreact and lash out at the people around you or you might lean towards avoiding confrontation, which can also contribute to eventual outbursts of anger. Overreactions and angry outbursts could further harm the relationships you have with the people around you.
Not only are the effects of not talking through your emotions and problems devastating on your mental health, but it can also physically harm your body. You may start experiencing constant headaches.
However, opening up to another person, whether it be a family member, a friend, or a trained professional, allows for a release of pent-up feelings. They might even be able to help you with finding solutions, as talking through problems allows the situation to become clearer.
“That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.”
Finn shows in his poem how one understanding glance can be a salvation, a lifeboat in a time of need.
“It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me
of what I can’t assure myself,
that I’m really worth something.”
Talking about your feelings and experiences not only helps solve problems, but it can also lighten the burden of feeling alone.
The poem ends with the reveal that, as dismaying as it may seem, the narrator can be anyone.
“Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.”
This ending reminds us that anyone we know and love might be hiding a part of themselves away. This ending reminds us that it is okay to reach out when you need to because others can understand how you feel. It also reminds us that practising kindness in how we treat others can at times be a hand that reaches out to another person desperately in need of it.
Additionally, it is essential to remember that avoiding sharing your emotions, pain, anxieties, and problems, does not mean they are not real. It will not make them disappear. Whether you open up or not, these feelings are still a part of your reality. You will still feel the pain or worries they cause you. Their effects will still be present in your life. To get over them, you will have to work and talk through them.